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WHEN FORGIVENESS IS HARD




When Papa Paul describes Love in 1 Corinthians 13,  it was as though he was talking about a perfect being whose inability to get offended was raise to power infinity.

To affirm that offense will definitely come if we chose to walk in love, He tells us that "Love  keeps no record of wrongs."

How can we possibly keep no record, when our brains perpetually hold memories that we wish to delete?

Well I've noticed over the years that details of events that hurt me badly tend to vanish over time as I heal up.

If you can still remember dot to dot, line by line how it happened, then you are most likely still hurting.

Read: In the words of Jesus

Every time our mind recalls an event and we pay attention by mentally retelling the story or replaying the drama, we reinforce the feeling attached to that experience.

Your mind would gradually let go, if you avoid retelling the story to yourself or others, and distract yourself from focusing on the story when the movie tries to replay in your mind. It takes conscious effort laced with determination to do so.

Truth is, I've just  recently realized that forgiveness is a product of discipline.

And like every other thing which requires discipline, forgiveness can be really hard.


Perhaps you find it easy to forget when someone steals from you, spoils your name by gossip, eats the food you were hoping to eat later in the day. You may not know how hard forgiveness is, until your father rapes you, or your brother molests your daughter, or your ex marries your friend, or someone uses your hard work to shine at the office, or your supposed loving spouse cheats. I am trying to say that forgiving everyday little things may be easier than major betrayals by people we love.

However, our minds don't know the difference. Hurt is hurt, pain is pain. No big or small offenses. If you feel offended, you are offended, Period!
Therefore, if we can forgive the seemingly little things, we have the capacity to forgive the bigger things.

When they say time heals, it is not the same as time forgives or initiates forgiveness in your heart. This is why years later when you see your offender, a part of you may want to strangle them.


I have learnt that Forgiveness doesn't  happen with time. Forgiveness happens when we apply Ephesians 4 verse 31, "GET RID of BITTERNESS".


HOW DO I GET RID OF BITTERNESS?

👉Stop retelling the story
👉 Pray about your feelings. Tell God how you feel in the most honest way possible
👉Distract yourself when the movie replays in your mind.
👉Write them a forgiveness letter which you wouldn't deliver to them (deliver if you wish) but I prefer not to because their response may hurt you more.
👉Every time the hurt comes up, say aloud that you forgive them in Jesus name.
👉Ask the Lord to take away the pain attached to the memory.
👉Bless them even when  you wish you could hurt them back. Bless them from your heart.
👉Repeat  all of the above till it no longer hurts.

Read: Are you growing or groping in your spiritual life?

While it may be difficult, let's focus our eyes on this truth,
Forgiveness doesn't free the offender. God is just and would avenge or vindicate you as the case may be. Forgiveness frees you to prosper.

How sweet the peace that forgiveness brings. Don't you want to feel this peace too?

Come on honey, Give yourself the gift of forgiveness today.

Committed to your fulfilment
Anne Emeka-Obiajunwa

This post is an excerpt of our study at The Birthplace Foundation.We are set to raise people who are aligned with God and we are doing that through discipleship. Below is 7 of 12 monthly guides by which we are fulfilling this mandate. If you are looking for a community to grow and wax strong in your spiritual life, I guarantee you, this is the place. Join here



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  1. Forgiveness takes discipline with sincere prayers to God for help and Grace.

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