Deep shock was what I felt for a long long time when one of those relationships in my past ended.
God, wasn't that relationship all shades you? How we met, how it came to be and how you've given me words concerning him and it?
God, I thought you said, I wasn't going to know that kind of pain anymore - the heartbreaking, soul tearing kind that makes you wish you can just sleep for eighty days straight!
Warisdis (What is this)??
It was the 5th relationship and it ended just at the wrongest of seasons, on the wrongest of days - Valentine's day.
I had just returned from preaching/teaching at a youth conference were I was invited to speak.
And oh, I taught with all I had and am. I was born for this you know?
How can "God" allow this to be my "Weldone good and faithful servant" back pat?
I could have been any where else "fucking" the hell outta some fine guy; but I rather went to win souls for you; yet you let me feel this pain of rejection a 5th time???
Lord, what did I do to you, kwanu?? This isn't what you promised.
Read: Why does he even promise?
That was me, February 14th that year. I had just marked my silver jubilee birthday.
This feeling of God ghosted you is totally normal. Even Jesus felt it.He felt the father betrayed Him.
I mean, God had said he wouldn't forsake Jesus.
"My beloved son, go and die. I will be right there holding your hands. They won't do anything to you" said God.
From night when Jesus was picked up at the garden till 2:59Pm during which he was on trial, the flogging, the mocking, the nailing, the scorning, the scotching, the thorning, the hanging, Jesus FELT father there.
Read: The Exchange
Remember how the men who came to pick him up fell under the anointing when he said, "I am he"?
He even fixed up Marcus' ear on that spot.
Jesus was surely sure father was with Him.
But at 3pm, Father was no where near Jesus' receptor.
Darkness had filled the earth and Jesus' soul.
He stretched his hands on the death-air -bed in search of God but God the father seemed to have left his side own side of the bed.
With a loud voice he cried,
"My father, My father, why have you forsaken me!"
If Jesus felt betrayed, who are you to think, you will still understand everything and be able to tell where father is and how he is working in your night season?
Jesus felt betrayed, forsaken and alone. Yet
✔He committed His spirit to the hands of a "missing father"
✔He went on with His part of the agreement- serve in death as sacrifice for all men.
That's how to thrive in your night.
That's how I've thrived through many nights.
That's how Jesus would want you to thrive.
Can't feel God, Can't sense God, mad at God but trusting enough to
✔COMMIT your pain and being to Him knowing that He is omnipresent - always present after all.
✔CONSISTENTLY serve at your post as though the assignment He gave you was oxygen.
February 14th 2019 (Valentine's day), years later, My now husband proposed to me.
Seems God didn't betray me after all; He took a stroll out on valentine's day that year, to go call his best son for me on valentine's day 2019 (5 years later).
Would you please wait??
Read: How to renew your hope in a long wait
Committed to your fulfillment
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