“But father is not fair! You took my dance abilities away and I can no longer do the stage performances anymore.” Those were my words to God recently.
When I was younger-childhood to teen years, I did ballet performances in church. I love to dance. To me, dance is a physical interpretation of the voice of a soul. For years, I enjoyed dancing and still do. I remember moments when I taught my younger sister (Grace Atulaegwu), some moves and the basics of interpreting a song through body movement.
As time went by, I noticed that she became amazing at dance. I tried to catch up with her but I couldn’t. I dint pay much attention to my “dance drop” until one day when I wanted to do a dance in church and I noticed I couldn’t do those amazing ballet moves anymore.
I know you think is because I stopped practicing; it wasn’t that. I had begun to lose control of my knees and the joint connecting my thighs and my body. I wasn’t happy. I decided to stay off leg throwing and tip toeing and all that stuff we do in ballet dancing. I then began to try some break moves but I felt and looked stupid on those moves. I knew I was not going to measure up with the trend.
One day, I was at a church in the east and our mama asked that I ministered by dance. I had just heard Kim walker’s Holy and I desperately wanted to interpret that song. I jumped at the invite. Just then, I heard the lord say, “Anne, don’t do it. That area is over for you.” It was then I remembered the hurt I felt in my knees and the joint around my hips each time I try to do a ballet.
I politely told our mama that I couldn’t do the dance. It was hard for her to accept my refusal but I had to insist because when God says something is over, He won’t be with you if you went on. I loved the power of God that swept across the room when I did a dance. I loved the creativity involved but God was done using me in that dimension.
So when I told God that He wasn’t being fair about taking my dance ability away, he said, “Anne, you are judging me.”
I began to defend myself. “I’m not judging you dad.” I replied.
“How then did you know that I was being unfair to you? How do you know that a student’s script is excellent or good? Isn’t by evaluating?” He asked.
“Yes dad” I replied.
“So isn’t a judgment born from evaluation? How did you know that I’m being unfair to you if you didn’t evaluate my actions or decision?”
I quickly apologized.
Then the Lord asked, “Which do you prefer? A dance ministry and an amazing dance ability or your current ministry and all the abilities you have?”
I realized I wasn’t being wise pressurizing the potter. He is God and I ought to let him use me as He pleases.
In a micro second, a movie of all the gifts He has blessed me with ran through my mind. Oratory, poetry, writing, teaching, administration, counseling, healing, prophecy, discernment of spirits, tongues, wisdom. The list is long.
I remembered moments when people testify how the ministry has being a blessing to their lives. I realized that I was about to lose something huge.
I saw that the issue in my heart was discontentment. I began to apologize. I told the Lord that I wanted Him to use me as He pleases and that I didn’t care about dance ministrations anymore.
I truly repented. What gifts have God given to you? Are you wishing you had some other person’s?
I just want to remind you that, purpose is a unique plan. We can only enjoy the glory of God’s Purpose in our lives, when we are content with whom He is making out of us.
Perhaps, you don’t like the direction of ministry that God is taking you. Perhaps you desperately desire and have prayed/fasted for a particular ability and it just aint coming.
Do not complain. Just use what you already have. God drew the plan for the Kingdom and it is His absolute ability to decide whom to equip and use for whatever.
Besides, we are going account for our gifts. See Mathew 25:14-30. How excellently are you delivering on God’s current gift investment on your life?
Serve with what you have, now!